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Boom Boom…

Flight of the Conchords

This Game 7 recap is brought to you by the Flight of the Conchords. Check Them Out!

 

Oh my God. She’s so hot. – The Hornets weren’t so hot in the 3rd quarter where they shot _____. Chris Paul, David West both missed countless makeable shots while there season slipped away. The Spurs defense was great for most of the game. But the hornets can only blame themselves for that pitiful 3rd quarter.

 

She’s so flippin’ hot. She’s like a curry.  Peja Stojakavic did everything he could to end the season early as he had some brutal misses. Bruce Bowen must’ve been in his head cause Peja was missing wide open shots… You know as a fan, if you see a slow footed shot specialist missing open 3’s, you get to thinking you could do better. And honestly I could’ve shot 3-11 and grabbed a few boards.

 

She’s so hot she’s making me sexist. – On the bright side, Tyson Chandler repeatedly p’owned Duncan in the low block as Duncan shot a pedestrian 5-17. And to see Duncan using all his moves and not getting anything done, was a lil’ uncomfortable to watch. At least NO has a Duncan stopper already in place, while PHX sold their soul for one. Tyson also scored a few more of those “dunk shots” I’ve heard so much about…

 

B*tch – Both Chris Paul and Jannero Pargo were both bizzatches last night. Chris Paul was visibly frustrated as he flailed his arms whenever he was fouled (That attempted slap on Finley springs to mind). Gone unnoticed throughout these playoffs, is that Chris Paul has been a bit of a prick. “Habanero” Pargo decided in the 4th that he was Jesus Michael Jordan. NO fans saw the good – a wide open 3 pointer to bring the game within a couple of points, and the bad – another 3 pointer clanked a few seconds into the shot clock a moment later.

 

I think I need a 1983 Casio DG-20 electric guitar- The 4 best teams are facing off, and that’s all this NBA fan could ask for. I’m excited to see Sheed own KG, and Kobe sodomizing Bruce Bowen. Another exciting fact is we’re open to the most exciting final for the casual fan (BOS vs. LAL) and the most dull (SA vs. DET).

 

Mulligan….

These playoffs have been disappointing….

Now I know what your thinking, CHRIS PAUL!!!!!!!! OMG Lebron, JAY-Z, B-Scal DISS TRACK, I CAN’T FEEL MY Face!!!!!!!! But have these playoffs lived to your expectations thus far? Honestly? Because they haven’t for me personally. But let’s take a closer look at the playoffs thus far, specifically the West.

Lakers vs. Denver

This was the worst series by far. Denver is the most talented team in the league, individually, but unfortunately this team’s make up resembles my NBA Live Dyansty. Iverson For Andre Miller? DONE! Who needs a point guard? I can have two volume shooters and JR Smith off the bench?! My god, where’s Mark Blount? Luckily for basketball fans everywhere, the Nuggets death was quick and painful. With the inevitable “blame the coach, we suck speech” by Carmelo.

Most Depressing Part of the Series: Game 1, Game 2, Game 3… This whole series basically.

New Orleans vs. Dallas

This match up was mildly interesting to begin with. A lot of analysts were picking Dallas because of the “experience” factor, not taking into consideration Dallas’s (yeah I did it) recent experiences involved losing a championship to Dwayne Wade free throws and getting beat down by “5 midgets” in Golden State. But Jason Kidd is a winner man!!!!! He wins!!!! TRIP-LE DOUB-LESSS!!!! J-Kidd made quick work of getting his coach fired this time, ridding of ‘The General’ 2 months after becoming Dallas’ (I switch it up to keep things interesting) “big” acquisition.

Most Depressing Parts of the Series – Jerry Stackhouse’s Temper Tantrum and David West’s Love Tap with Dirk looking all confused.

San Antonio vs. Phoenix

This was going to be the best series in the UNIVERSE! And after game one, I’m not gonna lie, I made a mess of my pants (Yes Homo). But Mike D’antoni soon showed his stubbornness, Steve Nash looked older than any of the Spurs, and Boris Diaw was still fat. SERIES Done!

P.S. That Shaq guy isn’t too good at the whole free throw thing.

Most Depressing Parts of the Series: Jacques Vaughn Chasing Shaq around the Court and Manu going left to close out game 1.

Utah vs. Houston

My god the pain of Jeff Van Gundy. Even with JVG gone, the stink of his stagnant offense still lingers. Utah should’ve swept Houston, but unfortunately they had a couple piss poor offensive games (The ghost of Van Gundy’s Defense) and a couple more hours of my life were wasted. I think everyone could agree that although the whole 22 games winning streak was fun, it made Houston a playoff seed without Yao which sucks.

Most Depressing Parts of the Series: Houston making the playoffs. Dikembe Mutumbo being a Starting Centre on a Playoff Team in 2008!!!!!! When will the NBA force him to retire?

P.S. Jeff, I love you as a commentator but please, if when you coach again, don’t let your team play on national television. PLEASE!

IF the First Round of the Western Playoffs could be redone, I would have….

LAL vs. Houston – Lakers Sweep Handily.

NO v.s. Denver – NO wins, but maybe Denver steals a few.

Dallas vs. SA – Dallas would’ve had a better showing against the Spurs. Better matchup overall.

Phx vs. Utah – Two high powered offensive teams. Deron vs. Nash, Shaq vs. Boozer, this one might’ve gone the full 7 games.

Although I think the same 4 teams would’ve advanced, most of these series would go at least 6 games. In the 2nd round I would’ve had Utah vs. NO and SA vs. LAL.

But hey I can’t complain…

Wait I can?

 

The First Meeting

Eddy Curry Walks into Mike D’antoni’s New office, for his off season interview with his new coach, and Donnie Walsh………….. 

MD – Hello Eddy, how are you?

EC – I’m ok, who are you?

MD – I’m Mike D’antoni, and this is Mr. Walsh behind me

DW – Hello Edward

EC – Wait a second, aren’t you the head coach of the Phoenix Suns?

MD – Yes, I was Eddy

EC – Aren’t you guys still in the playoffs?

MD – No Eddy, we were kicked out by the Spurs in the First Round, aren’t you watching the playoffs?

EC – No, I’m not a fan
DW – Not a fan Edward?
EC- Yeah, hey wait a minute, Where’s Isiah?

MD – Isiah… You see, Isiah is no longer with us Eddy

EC – He’s Dead? OMG Isiah is dead!!! But how?!!!! We were just chill’n at the cheesecake factory a couple days ago…………..

MD – He’s not dead Eddy, he’s just no longer the head coach of New York Knicks

DW – New York City Knickerbockers, Michael

MD- Huh?

DW – This team is called the New York City Knickerbockers Michael

MD – Yeah that’s what I meant. Anyway I thought, the Knickerbockers banned Isiah from talking to you guys?

EC – He was banned from talking to us, we can still talk to him, Michael. Duh!

MD – Oh I See…

EC – Wait, so Isiah Was Fired?

MD – Not exactly Eddy, see Isiah…

EC – Did he quit? I know he didn’t quit, Isiah would never quit on us, he loves this team, He’s not a quitter, he’s a champion among men.

DW – He didn’t quit either Edward

EC – So where is he?

MD – He’s in Italy Eddy

EC – So he did it?

DW – Did what Edward?

EC – Him and Marbury were talking about playing professionally in Italy someday

MD – Really?

EC – Yeah they were gonna create the first dual combo guard backcourt, Isiah never believed in a point guard, he felt they just got in the way.

MD – Got in the way of what?

EC – Shooting Mike, point guards pass, basketball players shoot.

MD – That’s Ridiculous

EC – You’re Ridiculous

To Be Continued…